back on track

so as the tears flowed from my face
and the overwhelming feeling of failure settled into the pits of my stomach
i prayed for two weeks
in hopes that god would see my pain
acknowledge my misery
and see that i was doing the best i could with good intentions
so today finally as tears flowed from my eyes another time
i recieved a phone call of confirmation that i needed
even when my parents failed me god didnt
with much needed support of my loyal friends who encouraged me that they will be there for me have been and i thank them with all my heart
and with the loving support of my soulmate who stood positive as i broke
i wouldnt have surpassed this hurdle if it wasnt for u guys
for the lord in finally feeling like yes u do listen
and yes u do prevail to those who believe in u mind heart body and soul
im back on track
my mind is back to being focused and driven
there aint no stopping me
ive endured and now im a better person
thank u lord!!!

randomness

i feel overwhelmed
like these bricks on my shoulders are making me sink into quick sand
i scream yet no words escape my mouth
i reach out theres no hand there to guide me and pull me out
this pit is getting deeper and dark
everything feels like its unraveling before my eyes
one minute pure happiness
then reality sets in and its like poof a wake up call
why is it when ur the most happy reality bites u in the ass
im strong but theres only so much i can take with my bipolar disorder
my feelings get bundled up till i exploded into fits
of crying and rage and anger
and then i feel empty
so so so empty
and when they emptiness sets in alcohol seems to be my remedy
my meds are my consolidation
not hugs not kisses
maybe i should just lock myself away to the asylum
but i cant and i wont give up
i got god on my side he told me so
he said lots will try to break me but i got a good heart
and he sees my heart
but right things are getting harder and harder
so im reaching out to those that i think can help me and so far 3 have stepped up
my own parents abandoned me and tell me oh wells
wtf type of shit is that
living with lupus isnt easy i hurt everyday
the meds make me sleep endlessly i cant barely function yet i gather the strength to do so
because of my kids they are my will to live
hubby is my back bone thats why he will choose me always over anyone else
i just wish i never had lupus or bipolar manic depressive
these labels arent me
im flawed but im also human
which human isnt flawed??
this never ending pit i feel that im in
im clawing my way out of it
one way or another.....
just wait and see