when things get rough...

so i know i sometimes lash out emotionally and like clam up and shut everything off inside and out
i dont do it on purpose
its just how ive always dealt with problems and just cry silently in the shower
i sometimes dont like to speak to others cuz then they will try to force their thoughts on me
when people come to with problems or issues i just listen
and try to make em see both sides of the street and let them decide instead of forcing
my own opinion on them
i guess everyone is different u can say

preparing for ethan's birthday he going to be the big 6! he started kindergarten and the first day he cried but then after that he has been good and excited and oh so eager to go.

im proud of my kids that are the reason why i am still alive honestly.

life has its many shares of bumps in the road
its how we pass threw em that matter


Do you wanna dance

i sure can use some dancing i went out with dan and panda to shampoo and boy we had to much fun dancing drinking and the gay guys were so much fun ah i must do it again word

thats all for now
hopefully ill post more soon
xoxo

thinking....

i sometimes wonder why the bad things always have to happen to me
like why us
does it even matter anymore
to continue
to even bother to try to be happy
when no matter where i turn there's a brick wall in my wall
im smashing into it
im clawing trying to reach over it
yet to no avail i cant seem to conquer this wall
sitting here with so many thoughts running threw my head
i wonder if maybe if i wouldve done things differently
taken that path on the right instead of the left
but then would i have later regret it
everything in life is a choice
then later u think and regret
wonder what if
does everyone feel this way?
i can only wonder
this sucks

that kiss - poem

when our lips meet eachother
an electricity runs a course threw my body
like a toxic shock threw my veins
feeling everything tingle
that kiss
so precious
so delicatable
i wanna savour every bit of it
pulling u closer to me
so i can be connected
as one
that kiss
that seems to remind me of our love
the power
the passion
the connection
all in that kiss
just one kiss can prove so much
can silence the thoughts
can silence the hurt
that kiss
that takes me to the deepest part of you
of me
that kiss
entwined me and you
in that kiss

out of the funk

So I started seeing a new psychiatrist and yeah I'm not too thrilled with the results on how they handling my medication when I've been on em for five years. Hopefully she will listen to me and see that I'm not lying and that yes I do need em! Still have yet to have a session with Watson my therapist ugh waiting for him to schedule and appointment I just hope he is free soon if not I guess this will be my outlet lol. I mean that was the purpose of it anyways to begin with. I slept for two days and cried alot. Feeling overwhelmed and like my life has taken a turn to a place I never expected to. My new friend Dan she cheers me up and basically out of no where I snapped out of the depression I was in. Branden started 2nd grade today and I cried seeing how quiet and reserved he is. I hope he does well and I can't wait till he comes home and tells me how it went. Ethan will be starting on Tuesday so I get a few more days at home with my chubby lovable emo boy. I just hope he doesn't get too clingy and cry because then I will cry even more! I wonder of other mothers feel this way? Makes me wonder Me and Steven have been good thank god. He makes me laugh so much I simply adore it. Me and Steph had a nice day out yesterday and I so needed it because he has been working so much that my whole days have been nothing but full blown mommy mode. Well that's it for today hopefully a good poem will arise from me if not stay tuned xo