fibromyalgia.... hurts

so yesterday was my doctors appt and i have to get an emg done and they want to try to put me savella. i hope they do cuz i heard from fellow other suffers that it works! so lets pray my insurance covers it.

even tho i got bad news i was still chipper. i just cannot continue to let the bad take the best of me so i will stay positive and leave it all in gods hands u know he has the power to cure me and he has the power to take me if its my time....

so thanks to cyn i met a cool girl via facebook and she is so creative and created these amazing journals so experimenting i created one for my roomie cuz she loves to write and i wanted to thank her for being such a good friend. i think a gift made is better then something u can buy right or wrong?

i took my anxiety meds and im real calm and took a naproxen because my body is so achy i got some new pain killers and i hope my hubby gets it for me from the pharmacy...

still no plans for the fourth of july but tomorrow i will be going with my roomie to see the eclipse first show and premier im so excited i never did anything like that so imma dress real cute to take pics like always lmao


today my oldest started summer day camp im so glad atleast it prepares him for first grade...
and one less kid in the house to bug me lmao... i love them tho they had me cracking up at my doctors appt tomorrow but i refuse to take em with me again oh man poor doctor must of been like these kids are a handful no wonder shes always in pain lmao

well thats it for now loves... im trying to get inspired to write some new poems instead of writting old ones up.... stay tuned :)

low blow to my selfesteem

so right i was trying out this modeling thing for a specific in which i hope they crash and burn and dont get no types of income!!! their lost!!!

i know im a lil on the thick side and have a HUGE ass but damn that just made my self esteem go do low..

then i hit up my mother and i was like yo mom they aint hire me she was like "ur fat wtf u expect"? like r u serious ur supposed to be mom and not put me down further when what i am but then again my parents have always treated me like i was never good enuff. like i wasnt up to standards but then again i have a cousin in PR that looks exactly like me and she models so whats the difference between me and her????

well guess what fuck u site to the site that aint hire me cuz imma build my own damn site and imma have curvy sexy girls on it and i hope that u go to hell and i hope that i make way more money then ur dumbasses


phew i just vented oh dee....

gotta get this off my chest because i broke down and cried for 30 minutes....

xoxoxoxox

dementedlee

I must confess I have had feelings for you for a few years, but I know that there would never be a "us".

um okay but idk who u are maybe u should inbox my twitter or FB and fess up to it ...

Ask me anything

a good day today is ! woohoo

so alright i know for the past two days i let my bipolar disorder get the best of me. hubby came home and say how super stressed i looked and told me please take ur meds and get some rest. what! my lil butt didnt hesitate at all!! ran to my collection of meds which is a severe amount and just went for it! lmao....

next thing i new i was asleep soundly till about 4 am when i woke up super energized mind u i was asleep from 6 pm! im so glad he suggested it cuz i so needed it i felt like i was at my breaking point like really over the edge of jumping off a bridge type lmao...

so now today i washed the dog skooter our lil dust monster cuz his hair is the worst they be dust everywhere it so drives me insane!!! and i did 4 loads of laundry which i prefer doing over dishes. u know doing dishes is my biggest pet peeve? how many women hate and get irritated at the thought of doing dishes? *raises hand*

so now my back is killing from lifting the laundry basket um yeah when theres pros theres always cons! wth!? so right now i decided to make an appt to my doctor so if they can give me other fibromyalgia meds ugh cuz i have sucj crappy insuarance thank u govt! lol.

okay so todays agenda consists of doing some much needed food shopping...hubby wants me to make him a basil parmesan rigatoni dish...lets see if i can pull it off if i do i will def. post a recipe up for u all to have. ..


xoxoxox

dementedlee

bipolar much... hmmm

okay so today i woke up with my whole body aching like i was run over by a truck fmlx3

i just took all my bipolar meds yes i know im a lil demented hahahahahahaha

i wanna be soaring

kids are driving me up the wall i wake up to a surroundings of disasters i need my mother in law to come to the rescue asap before i hang em out the window no im joking sheeessh....

hubby wants me to take a nice nap a nice nap isnt going to make how i feel go away

ambiens, trazadone, respiridone and zanies on deck! cant tell my ass nothing!!!!

whoot whooootttt *does happy dance*

omg and its finally raining so its like a relief from this horrible ass fucking heat thats making my damn mood 20x worse lord help me

okay that it for today hopefully i can get some poems up tomorrow if anyone submits anything to me put up so if u have anything u want to post up let me know~~

xoxoxoxoxox

dementedlee

& sometimes i wonder.....

why it is that things happen to me or say things towards me that i stay days dwelling on it and refuse to respond back to it....
its like really u just said that to me wow....
before i wouldve snapped and cursed em out i mean come on now im from the bronx!
but as the years have rolled by my mouth is still reckless but i think before i speak now.
so anyways someone said something that seeped into my blood and made me want to become back to whom i was and just be like fuck it they dont deserve the new me anyways if they feel that way...
i should always be number one if i cant be then wats the point?
im not trying to sound any type of way but if i made u who u r today and been there when no one else was and still am there whats so hard about just forgetting about certain people wow just because u grew up with them big deal!
alright thats my vent on that situation....

im so achy cuz yesterday i had no net connection for like 3 hrs! can u say i wanted to cry hell yeah i did want to so instead i cleaned and texted away on my new phone ....
so now im paying for all that cleaning cuz of my fibromyalgia its no fucking joke and sometimes people think oh shes just lazy no dumbass u dont know how hard it is to sometimes roll out of bed. to walk. to sit straight. to bend down. etc.
those who suffer with me know what im talking about and the people that think that im just too laid back about house work are just fucking retarded cuz when i do do it yo i go all the fuck out and theres no stopping me! that shit really irks me!

then i go to get some chocolate out the fridge cuz i woke up cranky as hell and my daughter ate all the good ones....it was the mixed hershey bag.... that shit was almost ten bucks and theres like a few kisses left like wtf? so i hid the bag so she can no longer dig into it lil chocolate feens i sweeaarrr i know they get it from me but damn!

branden is still sick hopefully he feels better cuz im telling u it aint pretty having to wake up to him crying cuz he did two types of accidents in the bathroom....*if only it was urine but it wasnt* BLAH! so imagine trying to clean two types of accidents in a tiny bathroom i so need two bathrooms in my next house one for these monsters and one just for me alone....

a girl can hope and dream... some day .... some day.... *sigh

cries unheard - poem

hear my cries so silent i think i may go violent
peope think im so cool its not that true
i am cruel
i scram
i shout
no one asks what is it all about
in a box
i am trapped
no one seems to hear my cries
open ur ears
& try to hear
my silent salty tears
that no one wants to listen to or bare to hear
i am so sad
so alone
i just dont need to be thrown a bone
hear my cries
deep
deep
deep
inside
so many cries unheard
silent tears....

news and update

okay so first off i got to spend fathers day weekend with my dad and hubby. we had tons of fun went to the beach and my new roomie and bestie went with us which was amazing!!! i really adore her!

branden passed kindergarten and is exceptional in math so im really trying to get him into more math related stuff so he can have an awesome job to fall back on when he gets older.

right now my fibromylagia is acting up so im in bed on my damn heating pad blah at that!!!

imma try to do more makeup tutorials on my youtube ill be putting the link up on here and see if my roomie will do some too with me....

me and the hubby got new wedding bands which are amazing our anniv. is coming up damn ten years flew by like nada.

well thats about it lets see if i can lose 20 more lbs since i started the quick trim again. and do a few sit ups with hubbys contraption i got him thats collecting dust lmao....

peace and love

stay tuned more poems and stuff coming up!