how to escape

jaded love
how could u hurt me so
i feel no escape
trapped
entangled in its web like a predator waiting for its last chance
how to escape these webs of abuse
battling the fight i know i cannot win
trying
constantly trying
but despite it all i fail
this fruit is now poison
nothing left in me but damage hurt and despair
i loved u yet ur love caused me tremendous scars
wounds forever embedded in my soul
forever remaining a constant reminder of a love i wanted to be real
how can i escape this grip of lies and hurt
how can i escape when everytong i turn to turns their back on me
all i wanted was that wonder fairytale
yet theres no happy ending
just endless tears that consume me daily
how can the one i love abuse me so
with his hand and his words forever damaging
i wonder how will i repair this
who will love me now when i feel like damaged good
who will love me now
that despite it all apart of me cant let go of the hurt
the abuse
i wish it wasnt this way
i wish i can just go to sleep and wake upto that fairytale i just once had
how could theone i love hurt me the most
how could the one i love
just destroy me inside and out
time to move on
let go of the damage
of the poisonthat has consumed every being of me
how could the one i love hurt me so bad
how could he my knight is no longer a knight but simple a wolf in sheeps clothing
how could he
how could he

love doesnt hurt

love doesnt beat you

love doesnt cause you pain

love doesnt make u feel worhtless

love doesnt make u cry

love doesnt cause u agony internally

love is supposed to beautiful

bonding

romance

a connection no one can break

yet this love i have is beyond jaded

like the thorns of a rose

ready to prick and cause blood to flow

what to do when they one u love is the main one u can stand

love doesnt cause grief

love is healing and bonding and powerful

powerful enough to destroy the very soul i dedicated to you

wish i can move but im exhausted inside and out

trying to breathe but no air in my long

so numb

cant keep this under control

cant help me cuz no one really knows

love doesnt hurt

update

so i had gallbladder surgery and it was a pain
i was in pain for like two weeks
then finally i had it removed
thankfully i had a great surgeon the scars should be minimal hopefully soon
im glad i wont be in pain anymore
cuz i couldnt enjoy eatting or sleeping
still having trouble sleeping after surgery tho
like always i cant seem to grip the nighttime concept of sleep so i listen to music instead
which in turn distracts me even more haha
going to see my psych today and therapy next week
hopefully i can get tons of stuff of my chest
got a letter from jay felt good to read her kind words
now its time to get my body in shape for the summer
lets c if i can do this
wish me luck
will post up pics of the valentines day projects i have in store for the kids
see ya soon xo

flash!

so i been feeling like shit since i got out the hospital
i had a seizure shit was bad i was there almost three days
felt like a lab rat with all the wires and machines on me
now i owe 2 g's in ambulance charges
smfh

so he had the kids sent to his moms so i can rest
no rest here insomnia sucks
and the pain ive been feeling is unbearable
i feel like shit
caught myself crying a few times
i miss them
i miss being healthy
didnt do anything for new years just watched tv and saw him get wasted
trying to quit smoking
so far no luck
being broke sucks
having no car sucks
life is just sucky
flash
maybe in the spring it will all get better