update!

sometimes i sit and wonder why life is the way that it is? why must i continue to have a daily struggle inside with myself and my thoughts. the homefront is falling apart before my eyes. shedding tears alone and no one to hold me or understand why, why i constantly cannot smile for before me lies and guilt and shame always cloud my soul. i think that someday some day some day very soon all this will disappear. i was thinking about just saying fuck it all and bouncing! but i cant not when my kids are so happy hear. this place i can never call home. this place that has done nothing but destroy me to bits. i look around and i should be proud i did this i did it on my own but i aint. i look around and cry because idk when imma lose it all. when im going to lose my mind and just be put away and when im never going to see my family.

she got me smiling with every letter that she texts me. im in denial hard core. i dont want to be happy because i know its only a faze and sooner or later im the one thats going to be left feeling empty and alone like always....

hubby is broken and i have no crazy glue to fix him. he has reached his end and has given up and im continuing to try no matter what means and drastic measures i have to take.

thats it for now... i guess...